Dealing with the Log Jam

It wasn't quite two years ago, March of 2005 to be exact, that I sent my daughter off to stay with her sister for two nights so that I could surprise her with a new bedroom. She had been keeping her teeny tiny size-of-a-walk-in-closet of a room neat and tidy to earn her way to the larger bedroom that her college-age sister wasn't using. About a week before she was going to get to switch, I made my move. I'd purchased a log bed at a yard sale, a horse-theme comforter set from a catalog, and then had some paint mixed to match. I painted, moved and organized all of her things, whipped up a cool burlap bulletin board and other rustic decor, and waited for the delighted squeals I knew were coming. It worked and it was a lot of fun for both of us.

Fast forward to Wednesday afternoon when I again dropped her off to spend a night at her sister's house. But this time the motive was quite different. This time, unbeknownst to her, I was performing a rescue operation. Her room was stuck, and a stuck room is indicative of other things that are stuck as well. It was time to loosen the log jam and get things flowing.

Within the first five hours I had completely filled our garbage receptacle that had been virtually empty, and I had only made it about 2/3 of the way around the room. I had a pile of give aways, another of things headed to various places in the house, a "special memories" collection, and another of clothes headed for the laundry. The more I dug, the more I knew how much I was needed there. This was beyond my twelve year old's ability to resolve.



I worked until late that night, the piles increasing in size, and my head-shaking increasing in frequency. I spent nine hours of the next day washing, folding, hauling, wiping, organizing, dusting, and anticipating the dawn of a new day. My back hurt and my brain was decidedly frazzled from having to make snap decisions on literally hundreds, if not a thousand items in such a short period of time. But I knew it would pay off, so I kept at it.

Some might say that I should just allow the consequences to follow the choices that brought the room into this condition to begin with. I am a big believer in natural consequences whenever possible (but not with a two year old and a busy street!) The natural consequences had already come along. Where were the dance shorts when it came time for the competition? Where is the favorite shirt? How come there aren't any clean socks in the drawer? Where is a ruler to complete the math assignment? It was a source of confusion for her, and a source of frustration for me. Something needed to shift.


to be continued . . .
Cristi

Reclaiming joy!

Once upon a time, back in the days when I had little babies of my own, I bathed them in my kitchen sink. It is something I always loved to do. Mom taught me how to get everything ready first. Spread out a towel on the counter, have a diaper handy, make sure the washcloth and shampoo are all within easy reach. Remove all of baby's clothing until all that's left is the diaper, but keep baby covered. Place a hand towel on the bottom of the sink so baby has a little cushion and it isn't so slippery. Fill sink 1/3 full and test the temperature with your elbow. Remove the diaper and slide baby gently into the water. Then use soothing words to let the baby know they're safe and secure. I only had 3 babies of my own, but I can do this just like I can ride a bike without having to think about it again.

Today I got to have baby Nolan all to myself. His mom was off running errands, Aubrey was at school, and Mike was working, so I didn't have to share him with anyone. And, I got to give him a bath in my kitchen sink.

That, for me, is reclaiming joy.

InJoy,
Cristi

Want help from angels?

Being mortal certainly has it's challenges, doesn't it? In Rapid Eye, we start clearing birth energy beginning with the time that you leave the light of God. For some, this is a very emotional experience. If we're able to tune into the emotions we felt clear back then, some of us really were reluctant to leave and we knew we were headed for some hard stuff. Thankfully, using the tools that are available, that negative energy can be cleared out, and the pain can feel like joy instead.

Another joyful thought is that we're not here alone here. We have lots of support if we choose to view it that way. I believe we have plenty of angels about, assisting us in ways we might not even realize. Back in my college days, I even did a research paper on the subject. I was fascinated by all I found, and even discovered experiences within my own family of assistance from angels. I believe that quite often these angels are from our own line of ancestors, and they have a vested interest in what's going on here with us. Why wouldn't they want to assist us?

If you've read Remembering Wholeness, you know there's a chapter on angels. For some, this is a difficult concept, and they interpret Carol to be saying that she prays to angels, etc. Since I've had many personal conversations with Carol, I know this isn't the case at all. But she does believe they are there to help us if we will ask. She has a short video on her website addressing this very subject. I think it's enlightening, and it reminds me that there is more assistance available to me than I sometimes choose to believe. I want to tap into all of my resources for help. Don't you? Here's the link. You'll find it on the right-hand side of the page: How to Petition Your Angels

InJoy angelic help!
Cristi

Are You Choosing Joy?

My middle daughter, Amy, is serving a mission in New Jersey for the LDS Church. She has been gone since August, and she hasn't been in a position to read any of these entries. She sends a letter by email every week, and I found a portion of this week's letter to be very enlightening and so close to my own thinking that it was a little uncanny. We are most definitely on the same wavelength even though we're thousands of miles apart and, due to mission guidelines, we only communicate by email once a week.

Here is the paragraph in her letter that really put a smile on my face. It is joyful just to know that someone you love is "getting it!" Go, Amy!

"In companionship study the other day we talked about the purpose of life being that we 'might have joy.'" I have been pondering that thought and I realized that that is our greatest challenge. Joy is a choice. We know that the same spirit that possesses our bodies in this life will possess our bodies in the life to come. If we have chosen to be miserable and to focus on the pain and the sorrow and the trials of life, we will still feel that way in the world to come. However, if we choose joy and peace and light and love here in this life, we will be able to receive even more of that in the next life. Our challenge is not to trudge through life in a miserable way until we finally die and receive our reward of joy. It is to create joy and share it with others so that we can continue in that joy forever."

Yes, joy really is a choice when we accept that it is and are willing to take accountability for what we're choosing and how we're feeling. I want to feel terrific! Don't you?

InJoy,
Cristi

Unplugged!

So how do you go about unplugging the Christmas machine? That will look different for everyone, but I will share some of the ideas that have helped our family. Some of them come from Carol Tuttle's CD, Unplug the Christmas Machine that is on special right now.

One of the very first things that I find helpful is to sit down and have a little "session" with myself, promising that I'll be honest no matter what! Am I doing this "tradition" because it is truly meaningful and brings the true spirit of Christmas into our home, or is it because of pressure or an inability to break out of it? Do I really WANT to keep this up, or do I do it more out of obligation or fear that there will be mutiny in the family? Those are good things to know about yourself and your Christmas acitivities. What's the real motive?

Something I found challenging was deciding which traditions I would either cut back on or eliminate all together. We had started a pattern of adding several new traditions each year, and it didn't take long before we could no longer keep up with ourselves! Carol suggests having a family meeting, letting all family members share which traditions are the most important to them, and then, as a family, decide which make the top ten list and who will be responsible to see that it is carried out (and this includes things like sending out cards). This can be a great eye-opening event for the family when they realize that mom has carried a huge load. And, it's important to remind yourself to "let go" and allow the responsible family member to handle the task in the best manner they choose. In our family, we also chose to alternate some of our traditions, i.e., making gingerbread houses every other year and alternating years that we do the Twelve Days of Christmas for someone, etc.

Gift giving at our house had also gotten out of control. I had childhood memories of coming out in the living room on Christmas morning and seeing piles of gifts. I wanted to re-create that for my own family. The Ooh Ahh Factor. But when I got deep down honest with myself, I came to the conclusion that this wasn't really adding to the meaning that I felt was important for us as a family. It was actually more of a distraction, and it was fulfilling a need of mine more than anything else. I knew that wasn't what Christmas was all about. So, we made changes.

Our gift giving is much simpler now. We've tried several different approaches, like a total dollar amount per person, or a total gift count per person, and those were helpful in some ways. Currently we are using a system of receiving 3 gifts each, one being something to DO, an item to WEAR, and something to READ. Santa still leaves something nice for everyone, and I purchase some family gifts such as games, puzzles, or even small appliances, etc. It has helped all of us stay more sane and focused, and we'll likely simplify even further as time goes on. We are choosing to make birthdays the focus on something bigger and are letting Christmas stay zeroed in on other important things.

On Carol's CD, she shares their family's simplified gift giving tradition. They each make a wish list and then meet together as a family. They pass the lists around and each family member, including the parents, chooses something off everyone else's lists that they want to purchase for each person and puts their name next to that item. The list originator never sees their list once it starts to get passed around. Then mom and dad hand out a specified amount of money for everyone to do their shopping, and off they go to an area that has a variety of stores. Sometimes family members combine to purchase a more expensive item, but they aren't trying to keep track of the number of gifts or even the amount spent on each gift. They focus on the joy of giving, and on the graciousness of receiving, even if it is something that wasn't on their list at all! In about 4 hours' time, the whole family has done all of their shopping. Santa simply comes and fills the stockings.

So what about all of the events happening this time of the year? It helps me to remember that it really is all about choices. I choose to remember that it will not be the end of the world for anyone if I don't make it to everything I'm invited to. I can graciously decline, saying that I have another obligation. That other obligation may simply be staying home with my family and decorating the tree. I'm in charge of my schedule. The schools aren't. The church isn't. The piano and dance teachers aren't. I am! I may choose to attend everything that comes along, but I'm keeping my power by knowing I chose to do so rather than feeling obligated or forced. It changes how it feels, and that's where the stress factor lies. It's very much a matter of our perception.

This holiday season, I have just as much to do as always. However, my stress level is much lower. I remind myself that, in the end, all will work out. It always does. My family is always happy with what happens on Christmas day, we always enjoy our time together doing Christmasy things, and I have nothing to prove to anyone. I'm not vying for House Beautiful's best decorated home award, I don't need the neighbors' compliments on the most clever neighbor gift, and it matters not whether my children go back to school able to brag about the biggest gift ever. The machine is unplugged. Christmas isn't about ME. It's about peace, and this year that's what I'm choosing.

InJoy,
Cristi

The Christmas Machine

Has it hit you yet? You know, the holiday stress bug? The one that ties you all up in knots because you just can't see your way clear from here to Christmas morning?

Most of my adult life I have allowed myself to be bitten by the holiday stress bug, and the thing about having it is that it's contagious. If I have it, then it's likely that my husband and children do, too, and quite possibly others that I share it with. At times I recall thinking I'd like to just go on strike for the holidays and be some sort of martyr and see how it all plays out. Thank heaven I never did that for both my sake and my family's. There really are better ways to cope.

A number of years ago I purchased the book, "Unplug the Christmas Machine" by Jo Robinson. I no longer have a copy of that book, but I do recall feeling very relieved when I read that I could make other choices than to do and be everything to everyone at holiday time (like that was even possible?) It was a helpful book, and I made some changes all those years ago that helped me simplify a number of things. But I still didn't change enough, because just changing "things" wasn't changing ME. It was me, the Christmas Machine, that needed the change.

It was five years ago, when I was sick enough to slip to the other side of the veil, that I realized that one of my friends was more angel than mortal. At a time when most everyone else was tied up with the holiday rush, my friend never stopped coming by, sitting for hours listenening to me and my family as we struggled with the difficulties of dealing with serious illness and the holidays under some pretty awful circumstances. Not only did she spend hours of time she likely did not have, she also took on the added burden of doing my personal shopping. I was in fear that this might be my last Christmas, if, indeed, I would even make it to Christmas, and it was critical to me that my husband and children had something special that they would always remember.

The interesting thing about this is that my friend doesn't like to shop. And, when she had completed my shopping, I realized that she had done none of her own for her family. This was a true act of love and compassion, and her halo was becoming more and more clear to us. She gave us quite a gift that year, and it wasn't anything wrapped up waiting to be opened. It was an example of the pure love of Christ, charity at it's best. She had successfully unplugged the Christmas Machine.

I no longer live near my friend, and we haven't stayed in contact much the past couple of years, but she still remains in my heart. And when the holidays roll around, all I have to do is to think of her example and then I know that everything will work out. The Machine will remain unplugged. And no one will even miss it.

InJoy and gratitutde,
Cristi

P.S. In my next post I will share some of the ways our family has been more successful in keeping that Machine unplugged.