Changing Behavior in Others

I receive a monthly bulletin from Joseph Bennette, an anxiety consultant and Rapid Eye Tech. His latest bulletin contained this article by Elroy Carter. I found it very helpful in understanding how our behavior and beliefs have everything to do with the behavior of others.

Read through it and choose to see where you fit in. We can all do a little examination of ourselves and see what's there.

InJoy,
Cristi

Change Behavior in Others

Imagine that someone behaves towards you in a way that you don't like. You have a variety of approaches regarding how you respond.

One set of approaches deals with your own area of responsibility. You might ask yourself, “What is it about me that has allowed/permitted/drawn certain people to behave towards me in this way?”

The answers to this question may reveal one of two kinds of answers. The first is the opening of opportunity. Looking like a victim often attracts predators of some description.

Another answer or approach is more metaphysical. For example, say that someone is being very stubborn and not accepting your point. Some metaphysical schools of thought would have you examine yourself, to see if you do this kind of thing to others. Are you sometimes stubborn about some things? Do you sometimes refuse to see the points of some others?

A third approach is to look at the other person. Is this a typical pattern of behavior for them? Do they do this kind of thing often, with your and/or with other people? If this is the case, then you can take steps to remedy the situation.

These approaches are not separate, and can operate simultaneously. And if you turn these approaches into a checklist of three simple questions, you can turn just about any unwanted behavior from another into an opportunity for achieving more of what you want.

There is a new woman at work who I sometimes find quite bothersome. When being instructed in a new task, she often rushes ahead to the next step without waiting, and usually gets it wrong. She could so easily get things right if she just waited for the next instruction.

So I can run through my checklist of questions:

1. What have I been doing to allow this behavior? What can I do differently to promote the behavior that I want her to have?
2. Do I ever do this to others? Do I rush through things without waiting for the next instruction? Do I ever jump the gun prematurely, and if so, where and when, and how do I change myself to be more careful, more thorough, and more attentive?
3. Does this person do this with other people and situations? If it's not isolated to me, then it's a more general behavioral pattern. Can I change it so that it's different, at least with me? If I can't change it, how can I avoid it or minimize my contact with it? And if I can't change it or avoid it, how do I accept it and move on?

It's a simple set of questions, and I think that it can be very useful vehicle for catching what you don't want and turning it into something you do. So where do you use this? Well, how many places in your life have people behaved towards you in a way that you haven't liked? What kind of insights and new tactics can you get from asking these questions with all those situations? And how many ways does this new way of analyzing the situation give rise to getting more of what you want?

As for me, the answers to these questions have already proven very useful and enlightening, both for my own development and other things.

Elroy Carter
Mindlist