Unplugged!
So how do you go about unplugging the Christmas machine? That will look different for everyone, but I will share some of the ideas that have helped our family. Some of them come from Carol Tuttle's CD, Unplug the Christmas Machine that is on special right now.
One of the very first things that I find helpful is to sit down and have a little "session" with myself, promising that I'll be honest no matter what! Am I doing this "tradition" because it is truly meaningful and brings the true spirit of Christmas into our home, or is it because of pressure or an inability to break out of it? Do I really WANT to keep this up, or do I do it more out of obligation or fear that there will be mutiny in the family? Those are good things to know about yourself and your Christmas acitivities. What's the real motive?
Something I found challenging was deciding which traditions I would either cut back on or eliminate all together. We had started a pattern of adding several new traditions each year, and it didn't take long before we could no longer keep up with ourselves! Carol suggests having a family meeting, letting all family members share which traditions are the most important to them, and then, as a family, decide which make the top ten list and who will be responsible to see that it is carried out (and this includes things like sending out cards). This can be a great eye-opening event for the family when they realize that mom has carried a huge load. And, it's important to remind yourself to "let go" and allow the responsible family member to handle the task in the best manner they choose. In our family, we also chose to alternate some of our traditions, i.e., making gingerbread houses every other year and alternating years that we do the Twelve Days of Christmas for someone, etc.
Gift giving at our house had also gotten out of control. I had childhood memories of coming out in the living room on Christmas morning and seeing piles of gifts. I wanted to re-create that for my own family. The Ooh Ahh Factor. But when I got deep down honest with myself, I came to the conclusion that this wasn't really adding to the meaning that I felt was important for us as a family. It was actually more of a distraction, and it was fulfilling a need of mine more than anything else. I knew that wasn't what Christmas was all about. So, we made changes.
Our gift giving is much simpler now. We've tried several different approaches, like a total dollar amount per person, or a total gift count per person, and those were helpful in some ways. Currently we are using a system of receiving 3 gifts each, one being something to DO, an item to WEAR, and something to READ. Santa still leaves something nice for everyone, and I purchase some family gifts such as games, puzzles, or even small appliances, etc. It has helped all of us stay more sane and focused, and we'll likely simplify even further as time goes on. We are choosing to make birthdays the focus on something bigger and are letting Christmas stay zeroed in on other important things.
On Carol's CD, she shares their family's simplified gift giving tradition. They each make a wish list and then meet together as a family. They pass the lists around and each family member, including the parents, chooses something off everyone else's lists that they want to purchase for each person and puts their name next to that item. The list originator never sees their list once it starts to get passed around. Then mom and dad hand out a specified amount of money for everyone to do their shopping, and off they go to an area that has a variety of stores. Sometimes family members combine to purchase a more expensive item, but they aren't trying to keep track of the number of gifts or even the amount spent on each gift. They focus on the joy of giving, and on the graciousness of receiving, even if it is something that wasn't on their list at all! In about 4 hours' time, the whole family has done all of their shopping. Santa simply comes and fills the stockings.
So what about all of the events happening this time of the year? It helps me to remember that it really is all about choices. I choose to remember that it will not be the end of the world for anyone if I don't make it to everything I'm invited to. I can graciously decline, saying that I have another obligation. That other obligation may simply be staying home with my family and decorating the tree. I'm in charge of my schedule. The schools aren't. The church isn't. The piano and dance teachers aren't. I am! I may choose to attend everything that comes along, but I'm keeping my power by knowing I chose to do so rather than feeling obligated or forced. It changes how it feels, and that's where the stress factor lies. It's very much a matter of our perception.
This holiday season, I have just as much to do as always. However, my stress level is much lower. I remind myself that, in the end, all will work out. It always does. My family is always happy with what happens on Christmas day, we always enjoy our time together doing Christmasy things, and I have nothing to prove to anyone. I'm not vying for House Beautiful's best decorated home award, I don't need the neighbors' compliments on the most clever neighbor gift, and it matters not whether my children go back to school able to brag about the biggest gift ever. The machine is unplugged. Christmas isn't about ME. It's about peace, and this year that's what I'm choosing.
InJoy,
Cristi
One of the very first things that I find helpful is to sit down and have a little "session" with myself, promising that I'll be honest no matter what! Am I doing this "tradition" because it is truly meaningful and brings the true spirit of Christmas into our home, or is it because of pressure or an inability to break out of it? Do I really WANT to keep this up, or do I do it more out of obligation or fear that there will be mutiny in the family? Those are good things to know about yourself and your Christmas acitivities. What's the real motive?
Something I found challenging was deciding which traditions I would either cut back on or eliminate all together. We had started a pattern of adding several new traditions each year, and it didn't take long before we could no longer keep up with ourselves! Carol suggests having a family meeting, letting all family members share which traditions are the most important to them, and then, as a family, decide which make the top ten list and who will be responsible to see that it is carried out (and this includes things like sending out cards). This can be a great eye-opening event for the family when they realize that mom has carried a huge load. And, it's important to remind yourself to "let go" and allow the responsible family member to handle the task in the best manner they choose. In our family, we also chose to alternate some of our traditions, i.e., making gingerbread houses every other year and alternating years that we do the Twelve Days of Christmas for someone, etc.
Gift giving at our house had also gotten out of control. I had childhood memories of coming out in the living room on Christmas morning and seeing piles of gifts. I wanted to re-create that for my own family. The Ooh Ahh Factor. But when I got deep down honest with myself, I came to the conclusion that this wasn't really adding to the meaning that I felt was important for us as a family. It was actually more of a distraction, and it was fulfilling a need of mine more than anything else. I knew that wasn't what Christmas was all about. So, we made changes.
Our gift giving is much simpler now. We've tried several different approaches, like a total dollar amount per person, or a total gift count per person, and those were helpful in some ways. Currently we are using a system of receiving 3 gifts each, one being something to DO, an item to WEAR, and something to READ. Santa still leaves something nice for everyone, and I purchase some family gifts such as games, puzzles, or even small appliances, etc. It has helped all of us stay more sane and focused, and we'll likely simplify even further as time goes on. We are choosing to make birthdays the focus on something bigger and are letting Christmas stay zeroed in on other important things.
On Carol's CD, she shares their family's simplified gift giving tradition. They each make a wish list and then meet together as a family. They pass the lists around and each family member, including the parents, chooses something off everyone else's lists that they want to purchase for each person and puts their name next to that item. The list originator never sees their list once it starts to get passed around. Then mom and dad hand out a specified amount of money for everyone to do their shopping, and off they go to an area that has a variety of stores. Sometimes family members combine to purchase a more expensive item, but they aren't trying to keep track of the number of gifts or even the amount spent on each gift. They focus on the joy of giving, and on the graciousness of receiving, even if it is something that wasn't on their list at all! In about 4 hours' time, the whole family has done all of their shopping. Santa simply comes and fills the stockings.
So what about all of the events happening this time of the year? It helps me to remember that it really is all about choices. I choose to remember that it will not be the end of the world for anyone if I don't make it to everything I'm invited to. I can graciously decline, saying that I have another obligation. That other obligation may simply be staying home with my family and decorating the tree. I'm in charge of my schedule. The schools aren't. The church isn't. The piano and dance teachers aren't. I am! I may choose to attend everything that comes along, but I'm keeping my power by knowing I chose to do so rather than feeling obligated or forced. It changes how it feels, and that's where the stress factor lies. It's very much a matter of our perception.
This holiday season, I have just as much to do as always. However, my stress level is much lower. I remind myself that, in the end, all will work out. It always does. My family is always happy with what happens on Christmas day, we always enjoy our time together doing Christmasy things, and I have nothing to prove to anyone. I'm not vying for House Beautiful's best decorated home award, I don't need the neighbors' compliments on the most clever neighbor gift, and it matters not whether my children go back to school able to brag about the biggest gift ever. The machine is unplugged. Christmas isn't about ME. It's about peace, and this year that's what I'm choosing.
InJoy,
Cristi
posted by Cristi at
4:02 PM
2 Comments:
Cristi,
This was very helpful to read. A few years ago I realized how much pressure I put on myself, not just at Christmas but canning season and other times. I realized that if something didn't get done or the fruit I had paid for went to waste (ouch),it wouldn't be the end of the world and probably no one would care.
At that moment I started training myself to cut back. If I felt too overwhelmed to do something, I just wouldn't. It has freed my life. I slip a bit now and then, but life is so much better for me. Thanks for your viewpoint.
As a child, I loved those big piles of gifts, too. As a mom, that's not what I want Christmas to be. Some of my kids are sorry about that viewpoint, I'm afraid. There is still work to do in that respect.
Life is still good simplified. Thanks.
Danielle
Thanks for sharing how your journey has taken a little turn. And remember, you're not responsible for the kids' feelings - they are! They can choose a different perspective when they're ready. Until then, just keep doing what you feel is best and love 'em, love 'em, love 'em!
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