I forgive myself!
We've had a lot going on this last little while (and who doesn't?) My husband has had a looming deadline for his book, and he has some pretty hefty church responsibilities. He usually is helpful around the house, and he still tries to do a bit here and there, but for the most part he's been holed up in his upstairs office or in his office at the church. My 11 year old daughter and I have had a nasty bug and she's been out of school for a few days because of it. My whole head has been stuffed up and my throat has been really sore. I've also been hobbling along with a back out of whack, although I think at this particular moment that it's improving. Add to this a brand new grandson, whose mom needs a little extra help. Her husband is a full time student and is working as well, and her active 3 yr. old needs plenty of attention. Plus I'm the room mother for the 6th grade class. This is holiday season. I need to get going on things.
Can I keep up with all of this? Not really. My house is quite the wreck and my car isn't much better. My office has stacks of papers that need to be sorted and filed. My fridge has things in it that I don't want to see, let alone smell, and my dog is feeling rather neglected. There's laundry that isn't done, sacks of stuff that need sorting from shuffling rooms around, and the floor hasn't been mopped for what seems like decades.
The question is, what am I to think about myself over this? I know there are amazing people around that seem to have a handle on everything. The laundry's caught up, the closets are organized and tidy, they're homeschooling their eight children, and even the dog's claws are trimmed. The clean fridge is stocked with lots of interesting and healthy food, and there are freezer meals at the ready if the schedule gets tight. 5 dozen homemade cupcakes for the class party? No problem!
I'm really not one of those amazing people, even though for a period of time in my life I was trying pretty hard to be. It didn't work. I could spend a good deal of time beating myself up about it all if I wanted to. That seems to be a familiar pattern for a lot of folks walking around on this planet. You know, "I just don't measure up" kind of thinking. "If only I was as organized as . . . . Why do they seem to be able to do it all? How come they're so thin? How come he makes so much money?" You know how it goes.
I've adopted a different approach now, and it sure feels better to me. I no longer allow the Itty Bitty Icky Committee to talk to me about it, and when they won't be silenced, I've become quite good at saying, "I forgive myself for that." That's a new favorite line at our house. And it feels so much better.
Focusing on our perceived faults and our areas of lack only serves to create more negativity. When we're steeped in negativity, it's difficult to make any changes at all. By offering ourselves forgiveness for our perceptions, we make allowances for feeling better and it makes it a lot easier to notice where we'd like to improve. And then we will feel good enough about ourselves to actually begin to make the change.
The windows haven't been cleaned for 2 years? I forgive myself for that. I need to say no to a request to bring a casserole dish to the funeral luncheon at the church. That's tough, but I forgive myself. I'm embarrassed because my neighbor, Denette, drops by at 9:45 a.m. and I'm not even dressed. Duh! I forgive myself. Today's blog entry isn't getting posted until 11 p.m.? Oh, well, I forgive myself.
I'm okay just as I am, and when I'm in the mood and can see my way clear to make a change, I'll do it! Might as well make things easier, right?
I've also learned that forgiving myself spills over into easily forgiving others. And that feels pretty wonderful as well. I love being able to quickly think and feel, "I forgive them for that." It might be aimed at my husband for something he didn't take care of, it could be the guy that cut me off on the freeway, or it might be the woman that took her pent-up frustrations in life out on my 6th grade daughter in front of the entire class.
It's really not my place to judge, so why do it? It's so much easier to just go right into forgiveness and let it be. Then if I need to take some action, I can do it in a more reasonable fashion because I feel better, and I'm certain there is less negative energy swirling around.
Why not try it today! Practice saying, "I forgive myself for that." Then see how you feel. When you've made progress with that, then practice it with others. The teeny bopper blonde that swoops in and steals the parking spot you've been waiting for? Offer her instant forgiveness (whether she's seeking it or not!) and just move on and let it go. You can do it! And you'll feel a lot better about yourself when you do.
Judgment and anger feel crummy. Forgiveness feels great and leaves room to feel joy. Me? I choose joy!
InJoy,
Cristi
Can I keep up with all of this? Not really. My house is quite the wreck and my car isn't much better. My office has stacks of papers that need to be sorted and filed. My fridge has things in it that I don't want to see, let alone smell, and my dog is feeling rather neglected. There's laundry that isn't done, sacks of stuff that need sorting from shuffling rooms around, and the floor hasn't been mopped for what seems like decades.
The question is, what am I to think about myself over this? I know there are amazing people around that seem to have a handle on everything. The laundry's caught up, the closets are organized and tidy, they're homeschooling their eight children, and even the dog's claws are trimmed. The clean fridge is stocked with lots of interesting and healthy food, and there are freezer meals at the ready if the schedule gets tight. 5 dozen homemade cupcakes for the class party? No problem!
I'm really not one of those amazing people, even though for a period of time in my life I was trying pretty hard to be. It didn't work. I could spend a good deal of time beating myself up about it all if I wanted to. That seems to be a familiar pattern for a lot of folks walking around on this planet. You know, "I just don't measure up" kind of thinking. "If only I was as organized as . . . . Why do they seem to be able to do it all? How come they're so thin? How come he makes so much money?" You know how it goes.
I've adopted a different approach now, and it sure feels better to me. I no longer allow the Itty Bitty Icky Committee to talk to me about it, and when they won't be silenced, I've become quite good at saying, "I forgive myself for that." That's a new favorite line at our house. And it feels so much better.
Focusing on our perceived faults and our areas of lack only serves to create more negativity. When we're steeped in negativity, it's difficult to make any changes at all. By offering ourselves forgiveness for our perceptions, we make allowances for feeling better and it makes it a lot easier to notice where we'd like to improve. And then we will feel good enough about ourselves to actually begin to make the change.
The windows haven't been cleaned for 2 years? I forgive myself for that. I need to say no to a request to bring a casserole dish to the funeral luncheon at the church. That's tough, but I forgive myself. I'm embarrassed because my neighbor, Denette, drops by at 9:45 a.m. and I'm not even dressed. Duh! I forgive myself. Today's blog entry isn't getting posted until 11 p.m.? Oh, well, I forgive myself.
I'm okay just as I am, and when I'm in the mood and can see my way clear to make a change, I'll do it! Might as well make things easier, right?
I've also learned that forgiving myself spills over into easily forgiving others. And that feels pretty wonderful as well. I love being able to quickly think and feel, "I forgive them for that." It might be aimed at my husband for something he didn't take care of, it could be the guy that cut me off on the freeway, or it might be the woman that took her pent-up frustrations in life out on my 6th grade daughter in front of the entire class.
It's really not my place to judge, so why do it? It's so much easier to just go right into forgiveness and let it be. Then if I need to take some action, I can do it in a more reasonable fashion because I feel better, and I'm certain there is less negative energy swirling around.
Why not try it today! Practice saying, "I forgive myself for that." Then see how you feel. When you've made progress with that, then practice it with others. The teeny bopper blonde that swoops in and steals the parking spot you've been waiting for? Offer her instant forgiveness (whether she's seeking it or not!) and just move on and let it go. You can do it! And you'll feel a lot better about yourself when you do.
Judgment and anger feel crummy. Forgiveness feels great and leaves room to feel joy. Me? I choose joy!
InJoy,
Cristi
posted by Cristi at
9:27 PM
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