Opening a pathway to joy

It's been more than two weeks now since I finished clearing the log jam from my daughter's room. Here's a list of some of my discoveries:

A dozen or more 3 ring binders, varying sizes
6 pairs of winter gloves
8 pairs of scissors (5 lg., 3 sm.)
3 rulers
1 hole punch, missing for a year or so
100+ pens and pencils
5 tubes of all natural sunscreen
Several hundred bobby pins
20 or so notebooks (spirals, writing journals, etc.)
8 bandanas
Jon Schmidt CD with the song on it she was playing at the recital (we finally downloaded it from iTunes in early December)
Dozens of hair elastics
200+ markers & colored pencils
10 letters & cards, stamped and partially addressed, waiting to be mailed

This is just a sampling, but I think it's enlightening. There are many of these items that we had needed at one time or another. We spent extra time hunting, sometimes to no avail, and occasionally extra money to replace something that was quite necessary.

When she returned home and made the discovery that all was in order, she seemed pleased. Not the kind of giddy excitement she'd feel if I surprised her with a trip to Hawaii, but a calm, relieved sort of happiness. What is amazing, though, is the difference I've seen in her over these past few weeks. She is calmer, she seems more secure, she is more confident and likes to spend time in her room reading, doing homework or just listening to music. When it comes time to leave for dance, she knows exactly where all of her things are and can easily grab them. When she gets dressed in her school uniform each morning, she knows precisely where to find her skort, white polo and knee highs. It is a relief to her and a relief to me.

When I was in the thick of working on this project, I was a bundle of mixed emotions. I was happy to be getting the job done, I was confused at how it had gotten this bad, I was angry at myself for not doing a better job of teaching her how to stay organized as well as grumpy at her for living this way, etc., etc. I remained conscious, though, that my emotions were my own. This was really not about judgment, nor was it about me. It was a rescue operation and it was really about love and understanding.

So far, all has stayed in order. I moved much of her stuff into another room and purchased organizers to keep it in. I am closely monitoring what can go into her room and where it will stay. I will continue this until I see new habits formed and an independent desire to keep order. As time goes on I will be more allowing of agency. Until then, I am a military general, albeit a kind one. The pathway to joy has been opened and it feels really good for the both of us.

InJoy,
Cristi